When we think about fostering acceptance and curiosity, we must recognise the order in which they should occur. One must accept before becoming curious. Too often, people lead with curiosity, and while the intent might be benign, the person on the receiving end may not know whether your curiosity comes from a place of genuine interest or judgment.
Yes, intent matters, but how it comes across is equally significant. To ensure your curiosity is received as intended, always begin by assuming good intent. This assumption lays the groundwork for a safe space, which is crucial. Acceptance is the act of suspending judgment and allowing that safe space to be created. It doesn’t happen instantly, but through acceptance, the possibility of a safe environment emerges.
In that safe space, curiosity can flourish. The person you’re curious about will no longer feel threatened or judged, as you’ve already established trust. You’ve shown that this is a safe environment where they can be seen and heard without prejudice. With judgement set aside, you can engage in a genuine conversation to understand each other.
This is why acceptance must come first. When not grounded in acceptance, curiosity can come across as invasive or accusatory. But when you’ve taken the time to create a safe space, curiosity transforms into a meaningful exchange. It’s no longer about asking "why" to satisfy an initial curiosity; it’s about truly understanding the individual in a way that fosters connection and mutual respect.
So, while we will always ask questions to gain understanding, it's crucial not to lead with the question of "why." Instead, begin with acceptance. Let that acceptance create the conditions in which curiosity can safely and effectively lead to deeper understanding.
If you'd like to explore acceptance further and how it can shape your diversity work, watch for my debut book (TBA). In the meantime, I'm here to help guide you through leading with acceptance, especially if "diversity" has become a challenging word in your organisation. Let’s start a conversation on how we can create truly inclusive spaces. Email me cynthiafortlage@cynthiafortlage.com